Smells Like Teen Spirit
by her name is erika
Summary: With the lights on, it's less dangerous. / Or, in which Reed Hellstrom feels stupid & contagious [Reed-centric, with mentions of other characters]
1. Stupid & Contagious

**Smells Like Teen Spirit**  
 **show:** Young and the Restless  
 **central character:** Reed Hellstrom mostly featuring  
 **notes:** My first writing piece of 2018. And here's focused on Reed. This will be split into 3 parts at most.  
 **summary:** With the lights on, it's less dangerous. / Or, in which Reed Hellstrom feels stupid & contagious [Reed-centric, with mentions of other characters]  
 **disclaimer:** I own nothing. The show or Mr. Cobain's estate shouldn't sue me. It's all for entertainment purposes. My broke ass expects nothing, tbh. I'm sure there are typos. I'll do a better edit in the morning. I'm tired and going to sleep. Goodnight.

* * *

 **PART ONE  
** Stupid & Contagious

A mother was supposed to know. A mother was supposed to know when her child was happy, when they weren't, when they were truly safe and when they were screaming for help even when silent. A mother was supposed to feel her baby kick for the first time, tear up when she heard that little heartbeat of a life created. Victoria was sure a mother was supposed to feel her heart grow along with the baby, day to day and month to month. She got up from her office chair, hand automatically find her abdomen. There was a faded scar from Reed being born premature but she didn't remember it.

She didn't remember hearing Reed cry, kicking and screaming his way into the world. There was just a big blank in that part of her life and would be forever. Stories and old Polaroids taped to the pages of a baby book were all she had. Victoria glanced at her phone and then the picture of her and Reed on her new desk. She understood that her son was growing and changing and she had to learn to adapt. Victoria could do that and for a while thought she was okay. That she and Reed were okay. All of a sudden, they weren't. All of a sudden, Reed was angrier, and colder. It wasn't the same as last year. It wasn't about a kid running away. Maybe, it was Reed being stuck in something, in a sort of pain he told no one about and in turmoil, he didn't want anyone else to touch.

Victoria started outside her window, headlights of cars going to places and from others. They all looked like fireflies that were different in size and hue but uniform in movement. Her heart lurched as she questioned which pair of tiny headlights belonged to Reed, headlights out of formation with alcohol consumed underage in his body. She had gotten the call with JT that night and found Reed being held in a cell but he was alive and she had been blind with quiet rage. Victoria found it easier to be angry in contrast to JT being equal parts shocked and equal parts disappointed.

—

As Victoria let JT drive her car home with Reed sullen and undoubtedly tired, she looked at him. _It was here,_ his eyes said to her. _I know,_ hers said back as her head pounded at the same time as her heart. It was her car, registered under her name. Her license plate. Her son. The same son she couldn't remember giving birth to could have killed someone. The same child Victoria could not remember bringing into the world could have killed himself.

"Jesus Christ, Reed," JT said on a sigh with a slight shake of his head. "What were you thinking, man?"

"I wasn't. I wasn't thinking and yep, I messed up like I always do. Is that what you want you guys want to hear?"

Victoria turned around in her seat to meet Reed's stormy eyes and she tried not to nearly recoil and flinch. How the hell had he been this angry? How had he been this filled with resentment underneath her roof as she saw him day in and day out? She stared right back at him, and stared him down as JT turned onto her street and into her driveway.

"You don't get to have a smart mouth here or ever."

It was a battle that Reed lost and he glanced away from her. She heard him curse underneath his breath and when the car stopped, Victoria watched him open the door, slam it and stalk away. JT put her car in park, and dropped her keys into her waiting palm. The cold metal hit her hand and it sent a chill up the column of her spine. The chill spread itself out, burrowing itself in her veins and her blood felt like it was crystalizing until frozen.

Reed could have died, twisted up in the mental of this car. That memory – that hypothetical picture – of having to see her child on a morgue table with JT next her would be unforgettable. It would have been imprinted in her brain, branded in her heart and a permanent mark on her soul.

"What do we do, Victoria?"

Victoria met his worried gaze while trying to not focus on her own sense of worrying. She exhaled, and almost glared at him because she was envious of the fact that he was once a teenage boy and she wasn't. She had no idea and when Reed preferred to bury things and not come talk anymore, it was hard to know. Victoria wasn't as magical or as witchy as people thought she was. It would have been helpful right about now.

"I don't know," Victoria answered, blinking the tears back. It wasn't the time for that right now. There was just the future, the new year, what was going to happen with her family and what things meant for Reed from here on out, legally and otherwise. "I don't know," she repeated quietly, "but I'm okay with his anger. It means he's alive and luckier than most."

JT offered her a wry smile, despite the uncertainty and regret in his eyes.

"Yeah. He's alive."

A sharp car horn in the distance sounded, bringing Victoria back to the present. She was back in Newman Tower about to finish up her work for the day. She turned away from her window, eyes landing on the framed photos in her newly refurbished office. Every face meant something to her until her eyes landed on the face of the person she needed to see right now. It was late but in Victoria's mind, she needed to find some comfort and more than anything, a little perspective.

Victoria picked her phone and dialed, almost from memory.

It rang three times until the voice on the other end answered.

"Hey, I know it's late, but I really need to see you. It's urgent and…I just need my brother right now. Get over here, please."

—

"What? Reed was charged with a DUI?" Nick questioned, sitting in the seat across from her desk. He sighed, and shook his head. "I mean, I don't hold breaking into the Underground and the fire against him. He made a mistake but getting behind the wheel while drinking underage. Vick, what the hell?"

Victoria handed him a cup of coffee while taking a careful sip of herbal tea. She had enough coffee for one work day. Caffeine wasn't the reason she was so jumpy and on edge but it could keep her mind focused and allow her to be more attuned to being COO with even lasered focus than usual. In between figuring out Reed's punishment with JT, meeting up with Michael to discuss things with Reed legally and being one of the many people Reed was angry with, Victoria needed the tea to calm her down and her brother to give her advice with a bit of his brutal yet gentle honesty.

She set her mug down after blowing on its steaming top and taking a sip of it before she sank down into her chair. Victoria let the mug warm up her palms.

"Honestly, Nick," she began, glancing down into her mug before she raised her eyes to meet her brother's, "I don't know what to do. We were fine. It was hard when he came back last year but we were working at it until we were at this place where everything was…balanced. Like I knew who he was now and he knew me."

"So, what happened?"

Victoria shook her head, remembering that for all the progress she and Reed had made, JT's return, as welcomed as it was, threw the sense of homeostasis off-kilter and shifted the dynamic. She brought the mug to her lips for another mouthful of warm tea and perhaps, an attempt to find clarity. Victoria felt it. She was walking in the dark and when there was light, she was standing in Reed's messy bedroom but he was gone and had no idea where he was. In other dreams, she knew where he was, knew Reed was safe but she couldn't get to him. She couldn't touch him, couldn't feel it no matter how hard she beat against this invisible wall between them.

"My son grew up, got behind the wheel of a car drunk and thought he was above it all. Reed has all this anger and all this pain," Victoria confessed, tears misting her vision. "Nick, I'm scared. I don't know. When he was little and he hurt himself, I would kiss it better and it was fine. He was fine. Now…" she trailed off and Nick's face turned sympathetic. "I feel like he's on this slippery slope. I missed so much with Reed. So many years. So many milestones. When I usually worry about the sheer number of little girls charmed by Johnny or Katherine's mean streak as sweet and funny as she is, I can handle that. They're little. With Reed…" she sighed, locking eyes with Nick as he went from amused with Johnny and Katherine to serious with Reed. Even years later, Victoria caught the pain in Nick's face. He had experience in raising Noah who was an exceptional young man. She wasn't just saying that as his aunt. He truly was. Noah was the most grounded and she adored him for it.

But her brother had experience with raising a teenager that was fundamentally good – and that was her niece, Cassie – but got caught up in being in a tragic situation because something went wrong, or something fell through the cracks.

"I know, Vick," he replied, solemnly. "Noah's a man but it wasn't easy. Faith is already years older than she actually is. Even Christian and Connor. Those boys are so different personality wise and changing every day. Cassie," Nick said quieter this time, moving his mug out of the way to hold her hand, "is gone because of an accident. She never got to be a woman, get to know Mariah, know Faith or get to build more memories with Noah. Cassie… I'll miss her until the day I die, but you have a shot, Victoria. Don't doubt yourself as a mother when it comes to Reed. You and JT will make it work."

She stood and drifted around her office. Victoria slowly paced, still feeling Nick's eyes on her. Victoria could still the Underground in a fiery halo of bright orange, black smoke curling around it and even could see how vibrant the yellow tape keeping her back from Reed was. She could also hear the disjointed voice of an imaginary doctor telling her the worst and thrusting her into a nightmare she could never wake up from it. Reed almost did that to her, almost did that to his father and could have done that to another family. If Mattie had gotten in the car and Reed had injured her, Victoria would have never forgiven herself. Despite all her issues with Cane, Mattie was a lovely young lady and was grateful she had attempted to make Reed see reason.

"If I had lost him, Nick…" she started and trailed off, voice broken on the brink of a sob.

"You didn't, okay?"

Nick wordlessly got up and pulled her into a warm hug she needed. Victoria merely rested her head on her brother's shoulder, not bothering to stop the tear that rolled down her cheek. And still, Victoria was left wondering.

—

Reed didn't remember much at school. Not when there was the DUI, his arrest and this upcoming court date. It's not that he didn't care. He did. Reed knew all about the dangers of drunk driving. Wisconsin was a state with the highest rates of drunk driving deaths, was a zero-tolerance state even though he blew a 0.05 blood alcohol level and the worst that could happen to him was a three month suspension. He knew all of this because his American Law class was interesting enough to pay attention. Maybe that would be his fall back plan because music was going to blow up in his face. He knew this was all wrong and even ignoring Mattie's texts was wrong. Logically, she was trying to help. She did.

As much as they drove him crazy, Mom and Dad were trying to help him. Reed didn't want it from them. He chuckled to himself as he brought his half-smoked cigarette to his lips and inhaled another drag. He blew it out and watched the orange glow flicker out under his shoe before walking into a school that seemed strange to him. Imagine that, he thought walking numbly to his locker. Imagine being the oldest kid in the family only to be outnumbered by four little kids. Most people would consider that lucky and as much as he missed DJ and Becca, he loved being Johnny and Katie's big brother. In the middle of all of this bullshit, Reed loved that Johnny would crawl into his bed when he didn't want to sleep in own bed. Reed didn't mind that. He actually missed Katie's giggles, found her everything that came out of her mouth hilarious and loved when she jumped on his bed to wake him up. They were the best parts of his life. Johnny was his buddy and Katie was as close to sunshine as one could get even though his little sister had a mean streak.

At least Johnny and Katie loved him enough to not look at him like a loser. He grabbed his American Law I textbook, slammed his locker door shut and walked away to the one class he had where no one really knew him. Usually, he could pay attention – the sections on criminal and corporate law were his favourite to be honest – but today, Reed didn't want to remember. He wanted to smoke until he forgot, eat Lou's weed brownies until anything made him laugh, and drink until he stumbled into oblivion.

 _Stumbling into oblivion  
Wrapped in smoke  
And tumbling into nothing. _

Reed could play with that sentence in his head. Manipulate them and bend them until they became musical lyrics of a song not yet titled and never sung. But he wouldn't. Not because he couldn't but because he didn't care. Reed knew he would be sad later, angry even sooner but now, he couldn't reach for any kind of emotion that made sense. Dad's breakup with Mac. Mom's breakup with Billy even when he accepted that. Never really having them as his parents because he couldn't remember them being married.

He strode in, eyes scanning for an empty seat until he found one in the back. Reed heard people say hi to him. He may have not. They may have been looking at him because whispers carried his DUI to people at GC High, or they may have not known anything or cared. This time last year he was the new kid in the spotlight and this year, Reed Hellstrom just wanted to disappear. Especially when Ms. Ortega began her class on Wisconsin laws on vehicle related offenses from DUIs to vehicluar manslaughter.

—

While Reed worked his way through an in-class case study he asked to do alone, Ms. Ortega came by and dropped a Post-It with See Me written on it.

He didn't know how he did it or why he even completed the assignment slash pop quiz…whatever the hell this was. All Reed knew was that it was not his brain making sense of this imagined scenario. All he could think was that Chuck, the alcoholic father of two, is so fucking stupid and how the hell could he possibly drive? Reed didn't know how his brain made his pen move smoothly against paper to write down the right things, but here he was doing it again. Reed didn't know if he was right or wrong. Right. Wrong. He would have said life wasn't as rigid as Mom saw it or as fast and loose as dad did, but since that rejection e-mail from that summer music program and this damn DUI, he was realizing that he didn't know shit. When he was an empty blank, why the hell would he want to relearn anything from scratch?

He got to her desk to wordlessly hand in his work and leave to the next his schedule told him to. Ms. Ortega's brown eyes stared at him curiously as she handed back an assignment he had done before the Christmas break and then she smiled softly at him. She wasn't a woman who messed around and was a hard marker. She answered the last student's question and then Reed was alone with her.

He adjusted the strap of his bag and plastered a smile on his face but his stomach turned. Reed couldn't get in trouble again or Mom would find a way to chain him to the basement wall with Dad only letting him to piss or take a shit. Still, Reed plastered an easygoing smile on his face and looked normal on the outside.

"Am I in trouble?"

His teacher turned his graded assignment in her hands. Reed could make out the bright red permanent marker. She raised an eyebrow in his directions, pink glossed lips set in a thin line. A pinprick of anxiety hit Reed somewhere in the chest in the silence.

"Why do you think you're in trouble?"

He shrugged and sighed, "Because I guess, when your teacher says 'see me', it seems like the right thing to say."

Ms. Ortega watched him for a few more seconds.

"Ah," she replied, with a slow nod. She held his assignment out to him and he took it, almost reflexively about to stuff it in his bag. But he didn't. Now, Reed was curious as to why he was here. He prayed it wasn't about this damn drinking and driving thing. "In any case, it's good, Reed. Exceptional. Take a look."

Reed did as his teacher said and tentatively flipped to the front of the page.

Oh.

This couldn't have been his paper. It was wrong. A 98 percent?

"I… This isn't… How…" Reed stammered.

"You applied yourself and followed the instructions of the assignment," Ms. Ortega said with a deadpanned tone. A smaller smile pulled at her lips and Reed watched the teacher relax. She pulled a lock of her dark hair back revealing a gold earring in one of her pierced ears. "But really, Mr. Hellstrom, what it comes down to is this. You're talented musically. That's a given. However, you have also raw talent when it comes to law. I don't know where you'll end up, but I see potential."

"I hate suits," he blurted out although it sounded better in his head. He apologized and stuffed the newly graded assignment in his bag. Reed didn't know what it meant. Maybe he was going at this class and understanding all the legal stuff because he had a talent at bending the rules. Only this time, Reed had bent the laws until he had broken them. He exhaled, combing his hair. "I'm sorry. I just…do. I can't do the lawyer thing for a living."

Ms. Ortega listened and then nodded, "Fair enough. But law can take you just about anywhere and they intersect other careers, so you'll have options. I'm just saying that I _can_ see you in law school. Good work, Reed. You're one of my highest graded students. You don't talk very much, but when you do, it's of substance and you're stubborn which helps if it's controlled. Again, it's up to the cards you're dealt. You're a smart kid."

"Thank you…I think?"

Ms. Ortega nodded and then took a pen, scribbled something on that same pad.

"Mr. Richards won't give you too much trouble for being a little late to English. Go."

"Thanks."

Reed took the note gratefully and walked out to English – the one class where everyone knew him when he still, more than anything, wanted to be left alone.

Steps away from his English class, his phone went off and when he looked, it was Mattie.

He put it back in his pocket, leaving the new text unread.

—

English was painful. Everyone either talked to him, or stared at him so much Reed felt their eyes burn hotter against his back worse than Mom's Ice Queen look ever could. He didn't care who he was next to even though Jensen, for once, left him alone. Lou had been texting him all day and sometimes he answered while other times, he didn't. Even as they didn't sit beside each other. Reed tried not to focus on his best friend's face falling when he walked past his usual seat and headed for yet another back seat. Corrinne had been her awesome, bubbly self and even got a new girlfriend over the holidays. Reed couldn't possibly be mean to her. When she saw him in the halls, she merely hugged him warmer than usual, wished a happy New Year and walked away.

Reed remembered having sex with her twice and for once, was glad he did. He was glad their friendship hadn't been tainted by their sexual encounters. To this day, Reed didn't know what had drawn them together in that way. Maybe the music. Maybe the fact that they were able to bounce ideas of each other so easily they really didn't have to say anything at all. The music was their own secret language and her spoken poetry were almost magic. It was as enthralling to watch as watch Grandma on the piano. A language made of piano notes, chords on a guitar, the back of a drum no matter the type. It was her who had submitted both of them for the summer music program, and neither of them got in. A part of him wanted to be angry with her but her intentions had been good and she had done nothing wrong. _Like Mattie._ Corinne had did nothing to him and yet he envied her because she seemed to be moving while he was stuck in some strange quicksand.

Reed shifted in his seat, his eyes fixed on his sheet of lined paper. Richards was one of those teachers who taught like a professor who hadn't found the university. He didn't treat them like they were stupid, but he rubbed Reed the wrong way. On a normal day, he did his work, handed his English assignments on time because they were the only thing Mr. Richards made interesting, and always tried to stay away from being called upon even when he knew the stuff. Today, Reed was spent. He was tired in a way that wasn't physical. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be home. He didn't want to be anywhere and yet here he was. Reed instead let himself doodle on the margins of an empty notebook page absentmindedly. He didn't see an English class surrounded by people who knew him and taught by a teacher who sounded like he had swallowed his own testicles.

Instead, he let his black pen scratch against the surface of the notebook page. He saw a door, painted black like The Stones always sang. It was black underneath red. Black painted dripped over the red surface and was made invisible as if it never appeared. He heard sharp sirens crack the silence although he never saw the red and blue lights that would have followed them. The noise rang not just behind him but all around him. It made him jump in his chair when Mr. Richards called him to answer a question he didn't hear. The pen rolled across the desk and hung precariously over the edge but it didn't fall. Reed drove with alcohol buzzed in his veins – _not_ drunk – but didn't quite crash and burn. He certainly didn't die fast and young. Reed was just going to die in English class in the throes of boredom and in mid-doodle.

"Mr. Hellstrom, am I boring you?"

"What?"

A few kids snickered and he frowned.

"You were doodling," Mr. Richards explained. His thick eyebrows knitted together. The longer he stared at the doodle on the paper, the longer Reed felt exposed. The door scratched hastily on his notebook paper wasn't done yet. It wasn't finished, but Reed guessed it had to be enough. Losing his license was enough. Experiencing what jail was like – well, the Tank – was more than enough and somewhere he never wanted to experience again. It wasn't that Reed wasn't built for jail. He could find ways to survive if he looked hard enough but he didn't want to be in that position. One school day was hard enough and if he didn't get out of here, he would unravel.

"Oh," Reed replied, as if surprised. He hoped he looked apologetic enough for Mr. Richards to buy it and leave him alone. Really, it should have been a middle finger instead of a door. "Sorry."

"Wish that were true," the teacher replied and announced to the class. "An attempt at symbolism has been made, scholars!"

Reed looked confused and looked at Jensen, who shrugged.

"No, it hasn't," he said again. Reed looked at the teacher, caught his best friend's gaze before Lou broke it first and glanced away from him. Something akin to anger bubbled underneath his skin and he could taste the beer in the back of his throat again. He could feel the cold air sharper against his face as he was pulled over by the officer and knew who it was. Lou really did have his mom's face. Kind of like what people said about him looking like his mom.

"And why is that, Mr. Hellstrom?"

The teacher sounded mildly annoyed and Reed couldn't find the ability to care. At this point, he just wanted another smoke.

"Because you were right," Reed smiled and leaned back coolly in his chair. "You're really are boring me. I fought with my girlfriend because she tried to get me to call a cab and well, we're not together. I didn't listen. Oops. Jail was fun times. I mean, between the hooker telling me she'd let me eat her out for 20 because I looked like what I knew what I was doing," he recounted and shuddered, "and the homeless guy wanting my liver for money, it was great. My dad's back in town. My mom is back to suffocating me. I don't want to hear about The Raven when I got a DUI. I'll do whatever assignment you want, but don't make me sit here, man."

Mr. Richards paused, chuckled and then laughed. It was a genuine laugh and Reed saw a man who rarely smiled do just that, ear to ear.

"Imagine trying to be deep in 2018 and failing as you did in 2017," a familiar voice drawled. It made Reed's skin burn hot and feel cold at the same time. Then there was a laugh behind him.

"Stay tuned," Lou spoke, looking at Peter. "This is the first stupid shit about to be said in 2018. Please, Adams. What kind of verbal piece of headassery we gone get?"

Jensen whipped around and glared, "You must not like having lungs, Pete."

Peter Adams was the Golden Boy of GC High, Student Body President and would probably be voted Most Likely to Succeed. But he rubbed Reed the entirely wrong way. He would be the kind of boy Mattie would date. Of course, he would. He wore ties, sometimes suits, smiled brightly while the girls fell for those dimples and spoke as if every day was a campaign to hold onto the power he had. Reed had a well known rivalry with the guy and could have been close to hating him. At least Peter couldn't use this DUI against him and Reed didn't need to add justifiable assault. Mom didn't need more reasons to yell at him while listing all the ways his life could go to shit when he knew. Dad didn't need to project whatever life failures onto him and continue treating him like a pet project.

"Pay attention, class!" Mr. Richards yelled over the bubbling noise that conflicted with the sharp ringing in Reed's head and slight stabbing behind his eyes. He needed coffee, sleep, a bit of quiet or all three. "Pay attention," the English teacher chided again. Mr. Richards twirled a pencil between his fingers. "This is literature. Reed's story of misguided decisions crossing over with Peter's story of superficiality. Mr. Humphries and Mr. Jensen are a Greek chorus."

"I'm not superficial!"

"Wow. Look at you going to hell for lying like you wouldn't suck another dick for attention if you haven't already. But continue."

"I… don't sing, bro."

Of course, Jensen didn't. Even drunk, he didn't and Reed had a flash of a happy memory of Steph threatening to pound his vocal box to dust if he tried.

Reed sighed, rolling his eyes. Only he would relate this shit to Robert Frost. It wasn't a fire and ice situation. It was a matter of noticing Peter Adams had a face he had an overwhelming urge to punch and was left wondering how it would feel to have that rat's spine curved over his front bumper. That's when Reed knew he had to leave and leave now. He was headed into dark territory, triggered by things of his own making and made worse by other people. Nothing was intersecting with anything else. He wanted Jensen to stop defending him. He wanted Lou to stop his fucking commentary. He wanted Mr. Richards to be a normal teacher and let him go home. After this was music class, his favourite class, but Reed didn't want to stay in this cesspool.

He was going to get the fuck out of here, but he wasn't going to let that walking piece of shit make him feel worse about this drinking and driving thing when he already did. Peter Adams was the lowest kind of human trash no matter the year.

Reed stood and so did Peter. He was going to be stomp that little bitch – they were roughly the same height – one day, but today, wouldn't be that day.

"Ah, the braindead alcoholic can actually function."

"You really want me to kick your ass, don't you?"

"I'd love to see you attempt it without your 'crew' backing you."

"Reed," Lou said, "you're ghosting everybody. Even me. But if you don't break this fool… Break his ass, man!"

"Gentlemen," Mr. Richards warned, going back to that tone he was used to. It made Reed think for a minute that it was a normal day. "Conflict is good. However, this isn't a coliseum. Stand down immediately."

"No worries. I'm not touching him," Reed assured, easily. "It's really cool how you top yourself, Peter. I mean, how do you do it? Hey. I got a DUI. Lost my girlfriend and yup, I'm a loser. But you just confuse me."

"Are you drunk right now?"

"I wish," he smirked. "I just want to know how you manage to be an even bigger cunt this year than you were last year. I'm just amazed, but," Reed clapped his shoulder hard enough to make the other boy wince. Reed almost saw something like fear in his eyes but wasn't sure, "keep up that lame consistency."

Peter laughed and asked, the fear in his eyes gone.

"You think if I ask Mattie Ashby out, she'd say yes? You messed up and besides," Peter grinned fully at him now, "it'll make you crazy knowing I have her. Truly have her when you probably haven't even tried. You know what they say about good girls, don't you? Have you even wondered what she was like? What she felt like? Maybe I'll know and tell you how good your bitch tastes, Hellstrom."

"Reed, kill his ass or I will!"

"Mr. Adams! _Enough!_ "

 _What?_

"Shut up!" Reed yelled to silence the roaring vacuum in his head and the noise in the classroom. "Remember when I said I wasn't going to touch you? I lied, you prick."

Reed reached over and took Natalia Malone's half-finished sweet lemon tea, took off the domed top off and to the soundtrack of screaming, visuals of dropped jaws, threw the drink in Asshat Adams' face. Jensen hollered, Lou swore while laughing, and Mr. Richards really sounded annoyed. There was no denying it now. Maybe Grandma was right when she told him about being cursed with addiction. Addiction didn't always mean drugs, he realized, just now. Reed realized he was addicted to solitude and would do anything to get it. Hurt people while lying to others. Like now. Peter wiped the ice and sticky tea away from his face and Reed watched his face contort into one of pure rage. Maybe it was instinct or the past few days catching with him. Maybe it was Reed being twisted around and churning in this emotional storm. Maybe Reed just did it to feel good and damn, it really did, but when Peter charged at him, Reed dodged it and then swung. He saw his fist curled tightly, traveling fast. It landed and connected with Peter's nose and then there was a sickening crack in the air and there was red everywhere.

There was a red river of blood dripping down Peter's face, red in Mr. Richards' face and when he glanced down, his knuckles were reddened. He didn't feel anything and went comfortably numb.

—

"Holy shit, his nose is broken! It looks broken. Someone get the First Aid kit."

"Reed Hellstrom just got crazy hot and he's totally single again! Yassss!"

"Jesus, Peter got fucked up! What a bitch!

"Well, that's how it is. Talk shit. Get hit!"

"A sucker punch though? First, he drives drunk and now, he sucker punches somebody! Shit's as weak as the crap he calls music—"

"Peter's a disgusting, misogynistic piece of crap. But this is who you weak-minded assholes voted for as Student Body President?"

—

In this story, Reed Hellstrom was either victim, vigilante or even somewhat of a villain.

He didn't know. Couldn't decide. Didn't care.

Reed finally grabbed his things and left because he knew he would kill that piece of shit and be a murderer otherwise.

—

 _If you get in that car, I'm calling the police._

 _You'd narc on me? Fine. Just know that if you do, I'll never forgive you._

Reed wasn't lying when he told his grandmother he didn't do drugs. He didn't. He wasn't a user. Not any way that would trigger the need for him to think that perhaps, he had a thing with addiction. He didn't know what it felt like to have the tip of a needle underneath his veins prepared to take him to a sky filled with diamonds. He had no area how to expertly cut lines of white powder on the surface someone's table like Jensen did. He really didn't know the effects of cough syrup and alcohol. Overdoses were scary to experience and intense for everyone because it meant someone could have died. He wasn't high. He just happened to be in a much better mood than he was this morning. He smiled lazily as he brought the joint to his lips, inhaled and laughed as he exhaled.

He handed Steph the smaller joint and she took a hit too. He glanced at her, almost jealous that she was as she was. Did anything phase her? Was his best friend even human? She smoothly took another deep drag before putting it out in her ashtray. Reed was confused as why this place was called The Lair, but he was too busy wondering why the walls of the Larsen family guesthouse seemed to move. The movement was slow and fluid and the quicker like the staccato of a heartbeat. Steph got up, checked her phone and then rolled over facing him.

"You're stoned, kid," Steph told him in that raspy voice of hers. It was direct and matter-of-fact. She ruffled his hair and could have slapped her hand away but didn't. He brought his hand to his face. His silver rings glinted like high beam flashlights hitting his eyes. Reed's knuckles were still rough and red and he swore they were warm with Adams' blood caked in the little cuts. Maybe they were.

He met her amused blue eyes. "No," he protested, and laughed with a slight cough. "I'm not high. I don't do drugs. I told my grandmother I didn't. I'm not high."

"You said that already. You wanna tell me why you clocked Peter Adams in his Kennedy looking face?"

Reed closed his eyes, red exploding behind them.

"Mmmm. No, not really," he answered, and then grumbled in a moment that cut through the marijuana smoke curtain. He saw a bright smile, sparkling brown eyes behind frames and curls. He didn't want to. Reed saw Peter kissing her, touching her as she resisted and then touching her as Mattie enjoyed it in pure bliss. He added, muttering, feeling sick. "I hate that rat faced motherfucker."

"Because you have sense this time," Steph replied and added with a rare honesty in her eyes. She could have looked scared in that moment and there, it was gone. She rolled over to her side on the carpet, her hair a curtain of artificially dyed purple grey. Her eyes were piercing. He noticed the new industrial piercing in her ear but found himself not caring. All he cared about was this comfortable, heavy blanket he was under. The stars twinkled a little brighter on Steph's ceiling. He glanced upwards and laughed as they exploded in grey tones.

"Your ceiling's exploding."

"It does that when you're stoned."

"I'm not—"

"Shut up. Let's establish you are, and be done," Steph said, cutting him off and stared him in the eyes. He heard the natural rasp in her voice. It was more pronounced and could have acted like the edges of a sword. For the first time ever in the time, Reed had been friends with Stephanie Larsen, he realized her eyes were the most pronounced part of her face. Yeah, her eyes were beautiful, but when her eyes were the most expressive. Steph's eyes stuck with him so deeply that he found him one day writing a song lyrics. When Mattie asked him about it, he lied. She wouldn't understand it when he was selfish to define what his friendship with Steph was.

Her eyes held his secrets while burying some of her own from most people. Steph's secrets were never allowed to breathe as he learned to guard them, and bury them underneath his mental floorboards. Her innermost wishes were never allowed to their own heartbeat. She had a new one – it was one that came back. Reed counted more skinny bracelets on her wrists and yeah, he knew. Reed could feel his marijuana high loosening. It was as if a lush oasis had melted and became a dry, harsh wasteland.

Steph's eyes weren't _just_ blue.

They were a kaleidoscope of sky blue, mint green and flecks of amber.

"Don't ever do that shit again," she warned, honestly. She softened only a little, smirking and it made Reed do the same.

"I won't if you won't."

Steph sighed, became quiet and then shrugged, "Whatever. I need a smoke."

Reed felt her press her lips to his cheek and then she was gone.

He never asked her about that kiss on the cheek because she wasn't going to answer or explain. That was okay, for once.

—

When Steph told him, she had applied for this summer program at Memorial and got in, Reed couldn't help but feel deflated. He could remember the first letter of the decision e-mail from the music program. _Dear Mr. Hellstrom, thank you for your interest in the Young Voices Program. However, we regret to inform you –_

It didn't matter because all it meant that it was a no. It was just the word no, wrapped up in a bunch of fancy words. Almost in his mother's vocabulary which made sense because she would have stopped him from applying. Music was something he wanted to do for the rest of his life. He could write music lyrics for hours, play with his guitar, sometimes the piano and did find it easier to perform. Reed loved doing covers because he loved interpreting songs that were already out here, but appreciated being able to put actual songs together from start to finish. It wasn't about trying to be deep or making a bunch of words rhyme. Music was a craft, a canvass and the only way for him to experience happiness, anger, and despair at the same time. Now, here he was lost and what the hell was next?

Then he remembered Ms. Ortega and tossed a side glance at his backpack with the assignment inside. Reed had to admit her class was interesting. American Law was irritating, but fascinating. He found himself being able to argue a case in mock court as both prosecution and defense. After his music class, Reed found himself wondering into the library to look through legal statues, the US Constitution, and what the different scenarios were depending the severity of the crime. He sat there when he had to go with his parents just to listen to Mr. Baldwin tell him how this drunk driving charge could affect him legally and what were the pros and cons. It was how he knew he would have had to go to jail had he injured or killed somebody because of his drunk driving. His offence. Because that's what it was.

"If I had killed somebody that night, it's vehicular manslaughter. Class D felony because it's my first offence," he blurted out, surprising his parents and Mr. Baldwin. "A 25 year prison sentence would have been rough. Losing my license for 5 years."

His parents looked at each other while Mr. Baldwin paused in the middle of writing on his yellow legal pad. He looked at Reed while he tried not to focus on how heavy that number was. 25 whole years.

"Wow. Reed, how did you know that?"

Reed glared at his dad, "Because I'm just that stupid, huh?"

"You have no right to snap at your father like that. Nobody at this table called you stupid and implied anything—"

Reed cut her off by snapping at her, "I'm really sorry you don't get to see me in a jump suit. Hide your disappointment better, _Victoria_!"

" _Excuse_ me? What did you just call me?"

"Your name. I used it or is being up Grandpa's ass making you dense—"

"Hey! Don't speak to your mother that way!"

"You almost killed yourself! That is a _fucking_ fact, Reed! Your cousin is in the ground because someone decided to be reckless with alcohol and a car! I would have thought the Underground fire would have set you straight, but of course it didn't. You could have killed someone else and then you have the audacity to blame Mattie when she was helping you! Don't you ever call me dense!" she screamed back, tears filling her eyes but probably the angriest he made her. She never swore unless truly that way. She quieted down and spoke in that quiet tone that scared him. "We're not done here."

"Okay! Let's take a breath. It's taxing on everyone here!" Mr. Baldwin yelled. Reed found himself being stared at by the lawyer, face serious. "Yes. You're right. The good thing is there was no death or injury, and you're under 21 so it's not on the table. At the risk of having to play referee again, I _am_ curious. How did you know all that?"

He shrugged, over it. Reed was over everything.

"Doesn't matter anymore."

Reed was brought back to the present by Steph tossing a pack of cigarette at him to catch, but it landed in his lap.

 _You're talented in music. That's a given._

 _You have raw talent in the legal profession. I can see you in law school._

Nah. He couldn't possibly do the law school thing, much less pass the Wisconsin bar exam.

No. Music wasn't for him and law wouldn't be either.

—

"So, you and Mattie are done?"

Reed shrugged, his second cigarette of the day at his lips. He was going to quit one day. Really, he was. Just not today, or for the foreseeable while. Being a Newman meant he had to say the right things, do the right things, smile and not be the image problem. If Reed was going to mind his manners – Mom's words, not his – and fall in line like the Newman heir he was, he was sure as hell going to smoke because he could do that too. Reed lit up with his favourite black lighter and inhaled. The first shot of nicotine never failed him to put him in a good morning. He blew out smoke upwards as she rested her feet in his lap. Steph leaned over, shaking loose ash from the end of into her ashtray.

"Yeah, I guess. I can freely say her dad's a dick and I don't like him. So, there's that."

Reed poked her foot and she kicked him because she was ticklish, meaning she was indeed normal. He didn't want to talk about Mattie or that night. Maybe she could figure out how to know everything but he couldn't. Not when most things he knew were changing. Reed knew it was stupid to get into the car and drive, but it was equally stupid for his life to change so drastically without any warning from the adults who swore they had his back.

"You and Jensen?"

"It is what it is," Steph answered coolly with a glint in her eye.

"Yup."

Reed took another drag of his cigarette and glanced out of a window.

Snow began to lightly fall.


	2. Load Up On Guns

**Smells Like Teen Spirit  
notes:** Here's Part Two. I'm delving more into Reed's psyche after his DUI and will be moving away from the show after Part 3, I believe because I believe something deeper can be touched upon with Reed here. For effect, please please please listen to Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. It really sums up Reed's state of mind as he goes in many directions. I will only tell you that it will have to be worse before it gets better for him. Things are going to be very, very dark and messed up before it slowly starts to get better. I'm sure there are typos, but I'll fix it in the morning. Enjoy nonetheless!

I don't own anything except the character not recognizable on the show. Tell me what you think and feedback means the world to me. I'd love some.

* * *

 **PART TWO**  
Load Up On Guns

Reed cursed as his coffee burned his tongue and stung the roof of his mouth, but shit happened. He stared at his knuckles, splotched and reddened. It was a reminder of what he wasn't sure he had done but what had felt good. The cold had sharpened his senses and stolen his marijuana high from him. He was pretty much if the courts were going to go be weird and test his pee, it wouldn't mean anything but whatever. Reed ran through the list of assignments he still had to do in his head. He stared at his psychology textbook, but the words didn't read like English. The letters split apart and reconfigure themselves in words that looked odd and made Reed squint even with the neon marker highlighting the words.

He picked up his mug, blew over the top of it and took another sip from his seat in the booths in the corner. Usually, he would pour sugar into his coffee and become mesmerized by the steady stream of white because it looked like sand. He remembered going to Bethany Beach during summers in DC and even remembered going there with friends from school he couldn't name now. DC wasn't home anymore and always felt like a placeholder until Reed got to Genoa City. Poland was like an island to him, somewhere that could be cool. But it wasn't. Reed was just angry, and irritation spread on him like a rash that itched so intensely no matter where he itched and how hard.

Blue eyes scan the words written on the page of his textbook and Reed tried to make sense of or care about Carl Jung, he caught the movement of his best friend in his peripheral vision. He looked up to see Lou staring back at him, jaw clenched and his eyes full of a kind of hurt he had never seen before. Guilt stabbed at Reed, but he didn't care about that. Or, want to. Carl Jung was a dead white European guy with a whole bunch of ideas he would forget in the morning. But Lou wouldn't let Reed forget him. Not when their friendship had started because of a misguided fall from a tree or even now as Lou had stolen Reed's coffee. He glared at Lou who coolly sipped it and spit the mouthful back in.

"What the hell, man?" Reed cried, slamming his textbook shut.

"I should be asking you that!" Lou shot back. "You're angry because you lost 3 dollars when you snapped today and been chilling at Steph's because you're hiding. You can be angry, but…me? You curve me? For the hell what?"

"I don't need to hear this. I don't need help. I don't need to talk. You should have kept walking."

"Yeah," Lou nods sadly and glances away. "Yeah, I should keep walking, but I don't leave my friends. Reed, I swear – my mom didn't want to be the one to arrest you. We all know. I know that because she told me. She was telling me how she didn't want to but she had to or her job would be nothing to her. I said some real slick shit to her and caught her hands for it…and I deserved it," he began explaining, tone serious. "But I get why – her little sister died because someone got drunk, got behind the wheel. The car… it jumped the curb, dragged my auntie and she died. They were identical twins so it was like watching herself die that night. The guy served time, yeah, but eventually, he got paroled and has a whole life somewhere…"

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Lou tapped on the glass surface of the Crimson Lights coffee mug, twice. He glanced at the mug with now backwashed coffee and stared at his friend with annoyance. _Coffee thief._ He didn't know how to do this. He didn't want how to be this mad, this upset, and this damn scared for very long but he was a quick study. All Mattie had to do was keep her mouth shut. He was a two-minute drive away from home and would have made it on the street. Reed would have literally been home free. He didn't know how to be mad at his best friend, didn't know how to be angry with Mattie and was running out of shitty things to say to either Mom, Dad or both. But yeah, he learned how to keep it going. Maybe he didn't have to learn because what people said about Newmans were true: that they never liked to lose, were stubborn to a fault, never forgot or forgave when they were wronged and held grudges afterward.

In drunk driving cases, Reed knew he could have died. There was a court date hanging over him and there was the idea of college. It was the quietest he and Lou had ever been. Lou wasn't something who got angry very much and he needed everyone around him laugh. He was his longest friend, the one who slept over at each other's houses. Mrs. Humphries knew him so well, she let him call her by her first. Insisted that he do it. Reed leaned back into his chair and twirled the yellow highlighter slowly between his fingers like a drumstick. His head pounded like someone was playing one and fuck, he was starving.

"What now?"

Lou raised his eyes to his and shrugged his slumped shoulders. "I don't know," he answered, with a wry smile on his lips. "I know your family is going through stuff. Your pops just came through and your shit's been rocked. My mom had to do her job," he cracked a smile. "I'm going through stuff, but it's not about me. I just miss my best friend."

"Same here," Reed admitted. He did. That irritating, tree falling, spit-in-his-coffee bastard. "Your mom did what she had to do. It was cool of her to keep it quiet."

"It wasn't easy for her. She stuck her neck out for you with Chief Williams. Just… My mom never really got over her sister's death like that. Neither did my grandparents," Lou swallowed looking like he was going to cry. "When my mom told me it was you, I was already irritated because I heard about it. I'm not gonna judge you, you know it's us…but either you bless yourself with stolen Henny or drive. Don't do both. Don't ever do both."

Reed couldn't help but smile and feel bad. Lou still owed him though.

"Okay. I got it."

Lou raised an eyebrow, "So, how do you feel your dad being back?"

"I don't know how I feel. My dad's been in and out. We talked and it was fine. Dude, it felt fine and now that he's here, nothing's fine. I just realized it…wasn't. Mom and I were okay. Cool, even, and then he came back the whole vibe changed."

"But you spent Christmas with them?"

Reed found a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. It was a good time and they almost felt like the three of time were a family. Dad's cookies tasted like crap. Mom cried watching It's A Wonderful Life even though she had seen it lots of times. He missed Johnny and Katie, even found himself missing Mac, DJ and Becca, but for that little moment, the three of them felt like a family. They were a family. A weird ass family and he didn't mind the popcorn fight in the middle of the movie either. It was the most he had laughed since Dad got to town.

"Yeah. I did, and it was nice. I forgot how it was when it was just the three of us. They got divorced when I was so young so my memories weren't even that clear," Reed said and his friend listened intently, tapping the surface of the glass mug. The coffee didn't matter. His money. Lou's spit. All of it seemed kind of useless now. "My parents have two kids with other people. It's wild."

"We're growing up. I joke out here but now, Mona's twelve and into boys. I'm sick. That's my baby sister. Who the hell told her she could? She's been on her first date."

Reed outright did laugh and shake his head, "My sisters are really little. Becca just starting walking and Katie…I love her but…"

Katie was too honest for her age. She was shy until she wasn't. Of course, Reed's protective big brother instincts went up at the idea of Katie dating anybody. But he had a feeling she wouldn't be controlled by anyone.

"She dead looked that grandmother in the face and asked why she still had…corn for teeth. Here," Lou recalled with a genuine laugh. "Man, I was just leaving and this baby made me choke on my tea."

He remembered. Mom had to take Johnny to a doctor's appointment that day. Reed apologized for his little sister to that elderly woman while Billy told her it wasn't cool but couldn't keep it together _. Corn for teeth_.

"DJ is just a good kid and shy, but Johnny…" he trailed off and sighed. His little brother was this outgoing, fearless boy with all this charm.

"Katie got excellent shade throwing form. Impressive."

"Seems so," Reed shrugged, not wanting to figure out the mentality of a three-year-old. When he did, it made Reed realize how simple his siblings' lives were compared to his. He heard someone say that someone's life path was a rope. Somehow, in his mind's eye, Reed could see a rope shrinking to a thread, heavy with muddy water and knotted beyond repair. Was this his life?

Lou asked him something and he didn't hear it.

"What?"

"Little Man steal his friend's girl?"

Oh, Johnny and his Preschool Drama. If it could even be called something.

"Well, kinda. Whatever that means to a five-year-old. But he got girls with him all the time. It was Clara G and Sarah A last year. Now, it's Elizabeth, Lisa…um, there's a Caroline in there, and Jenny this year. Johnny said Jenny is his girlfriend. Mom's hilariously freaking out, Billy is proud and I'm like trying to be the big brother out here but he's five."

A crease formed in his friend's eyebrow, "But is Jenny his girl though?"

"Maybe, yes…no… I don't know."

Lou grew quiet and Reed watched his friend go from seething to sad to confused to frustrated in his whole demeanour in a quick amount of time. The lightness had been sucked out of their Crimson Lights bubble and he was back to walking this emotional tightrope. It felt like his legs shook and he could fall at any moment. Then again, Reed was already kind of being downward, why not fall a little further? Reed could have sworn talking about his fathers did that but it struck him that he had never meet Lou's father. Not even casually. Not once. Of course, it wasn't his business but Reed couldn't help but be curious. Maybe this is what they meant by growing pains.

"Life is heavy, but it's fragile as fuck at the same time. Here, today…gone tomorrow."

Reed smirked and shook his head, "Nah. That's just some shit people say because we'll realize life is actually complicated and messed up."

"Well," Lou said finally, with a smile, "it has to be less complicated than your father killing your aunt while your mom was pregnant with you."

"Holy fuck… Lou, I didn't know — I'm so sorry."

Lou waved a dismissive hand. "Don't trip, Reed. I'm dealing with it in my own way in my own head, but I'm not getting fucked up over it. I know the truth. It's…out there and I can't make it go away. It is what it is. Mattie helped you," Lou said finally with a pointed glance his way. "You can't make that go away either."

"Don't."

His best friend ignored him like he normally did. Hell, it's how they had become friends. Reed telling him not to climb that tree and Lou flashing him a wide grin, complete with missing front teeth assuring it was fine. _I got it, Reed._ "She gives a fuck about you. Most people don't. You can at least thank her. Are you done with her?"

"Don't ask."

Lou was the second person just today to ask.

"Are you and Mattie Ashby done? Because you have to be sure. Don't waste her time, or yours."

—

"I don't know."

Reed combed a hand through his hair. Maybe everyone was right. It had grown a bit and if he was thinking about a haircut, he would think about it. He wouldn't though. Not because he didn't want to. It was hair and his grew back really fast. He got that from Mom. Reed frowned at the visual of scissors going through his hair and tousled the mop on his head. It was the principle of the thing. Things were shifting and changing around him and suddenly, he was facing little reminders of getting a haircut down to Mom leaving him money on his desk for a haircut. The joke was on her because Reed spent that money on a new pack of cigarettes.

Sometimes, Reed wanted to text her, and tell her. He wanted to tell her that she was right. She saved his life and did something he would respect probably forever. Reed wanted to tell her it wasn't her that he was angry with, but more of his situation. His dad's marriage was ending just when he had given up hoping his mother and Billy would get back together. Now, his parents were together. Not in that way, but still, it threw him off because he was so little when they split the more time. Reed wanted to text her back and tell her that he was scared. He was scared of drowning in a murky lake of dark water. He thought himself to be a pretty great swimmer but how could Reed swim against currents that pushed further away from what he wanted and who he wanted?

"Okay. Next question," Lou replied, uncharacteristically serious. "What do you want, Reed?"

 _Yeah,_ a voice echoed sounding strangely like his. It was his from a place inside of him he left untouched, a shadowed place in his being that stayed dormant until one more life change inched Reed closer to the razor's edge until he was cut and bled. _What do you want? Do want to travel the world in 80 days or be an astronaut and float away?_

He didn't know how –

 _Do you want to tear Pete Adams to pieces again because it felt good to have the little bitch fear you? Do you want to rule the world like your grandfather, save it like your grandmother, put in it a cold snap like your mother or walk with shadows in it like your father?_

Reed tried to ignore the blossoming headache concentrated in his temple.

He was losing his mind. He was starting to go insane. Dad would be disappointed and Mom would really be proud of him when he had a jumpsuit of his own. For the time ever, Reed found himself in his mess of a room. He knew where everything was. Where everything was supposed to go and if anyone stayed on the floor permanently. He didn't even see the point of making his bed if he was going to sleep in it that same day. He found himself staring at this bright red guitar Mom got him for his birthday and thinking it would look better as a mess of strings and splinters if he hit it hard enough the right way.

 _Do you still want Mattie in your world when she can't understand it or you anymore?_

"Yeah," Reed finally answered, looking Lou in the eye. "Mattie and I are done. It feels over."

Reed knew Mattie had lost him when the alcohol was the third wheel and pushed them away.

Things not only felt done but they felt unsaid.

"Are you gonna tell _her_ that?"

"I…Look," Reed started, with a sigh. "I feel angry. All the time. I wake up angry. I walk around angry. I go to sleep. I look people in the face and say the right things but I'm angry. I don't even think it's rage. Like I could go order another coffee," he tilted a head on the young barista, happily doing her job before focusing on his friend, "ask, be polite, and wonder what would happen if I were to throw hot coffee in her face because all she did was talk to me. I'm scared to play anything because I don't know what lyrics will come out of me. I don't know…" he trailed off, looking down at the cover of the textbook, the picture of the human brain prominent and in colour. "I'm just angry, and it's all I know how to feel. It's all I want to feel. I want to be angry. I'm scared of it, but I want it around. I say these really awful things to my parents that I should feel bad for saying, but I don't. I don't feel anything. Then…. When I do, I'm scared of myself. When I'm scared of this intense part of myself, how can I possibly face her or think of her?"

"I can only imagine…"

"Nobody can, so don't sympathize. I don't want it, dude."

"Fair enough. But that ain't anger, man. You're hitting rage territory. What I saw you do to Rodent Adams wasn't anger. He deserved it. No doubt. I'll tell anyone and their mama but…"

"But…?"

Reed rolled his eyes. Great. Lou was going to be the next person to suggest something he didn't want to do because he cared. Of course, he did. Everyone cared. Everyone cared and smothered him with concern until he couldn't breathe and its weight crushed his chest.

"You're cool with Johnny and Katie, right?"

"If I wanted to deal with stupid questions like that, I would have stayed the fuck home! You know I wouldn't hurt them," he snapped, offended at the implication. He would never hurt his little brother and sister no matter how angry he was. Reed would never let himself go there and cross a line he couldn't be able to come back from. It wouldn't be a line. It would be a gap wider than the Grand Canyon. He loved playing games with Johnny because that kid was so energetic, was a jokester and never had a bad mood. He loved Katie for her sassiness, contagious laughter and humor. He missed Becca and the way she would smile up at him when he was around and settle into him when he held her.

Reed missed DJ. Music was their thing as brothers. It was really cool when they shared something like that because he was so talented. He was sweet, charming and got along with everyone but when DJ played the piano, the drums or the guitar, he played like an adult. Reed remembering watching DJ teach himself the cello by ear because the instrument itself was bigger than him and looked cool. He was small but damn, when that kid sang, he sounded years older. Some of his best memories with DJ were about music with Dad.

Lou threw his hands up in surrender, but remained unfazed.

"I'm not your enemy, but you see my point, right?"

Reed apologized but still didn't want to push the anger away. In fact, he beckoned it closer, feeling comfortable in it.

"Yes. I'm not going to sit at some shrink's office so I can be diagnosed or something."

"Are you sure? Because I hate that shit too, but it helps."

"Still not doing it, man."

"Listen to me. You can take it—"

"I'm glad I need your permission."

Lou continued, "—or not, but I got you," he stood up with stolen coffee in hand. "You're not getting in trouble with what happened. There are witnesses. Mr. Richards gotta report it but with everyone basically saying that clown provoked you, you were justified. My mom intervened as law enforcement and so did your mom because of the Newman name. That's why I came to find you. My mama told me and worked it out at the school. Nobody's getting any penalty mostly because nobody wants to drag Mattie or her name into it."

Reed felt a stab of something to his heart. Nah. It wasn't love. At sixteen, he didn't know anything about that. No sixteen year old did and anyone who said they did were stupid. He came from a family of adults who didn't know what love was either. The closest thing to it was Grandpa and Grandma. People said Victor and Nikki Newman were legendary, the King and Queen of Gena City. They loved each other, but now as he got older, he wondered if that was love and marriage was. It dawned of him that all of the adults in his life were in relationships now that were odd and confusing to him.

At family dinners, Reed came only because the food was amazing. Honestly, it was, and the dessert was even better. There was always an order where people sat at the decorated table. Grandpa at the head of it while Grandma sat at the other end. Then Mom sat on the left of Grandpa because she was the oldest, Uncle Nick at his right because he was oldest son and then came him beside Mom as _her_ oldest kid, Noah beside Uncle Nick –

Even the seating arrangements were hard and only Newmans would make something like that so difficult for the sake of it being a performance. Nice things were said and then Grandpa's voice like thunder would talk unity, how the Newmans were stronger together than apart. When it was over, Reed swore he pictured Abby stab Mom in the back with a salad fork and only for his mom to retaliate by slashing her throat wide open with the blade of the kitchen knife. Reed was sure Mom would not have minded getting blood on her dress.

 _Guess that's how House Newman rolled,_ Reed thought, trying not to choke on his water as Mom dealt his aunt a death blow way too ruthless. Even for her.

—

Reed admitted that when he told Uncle Nick he was going to check on Faith, it had nothing to do with homework and more to do with apple pie. Faith giggled as Reed opened the freezer and found the tub of vanilla ice cream. His younger cousin was smarter than him and kicked his ass in chess but she couldn't beat him at eating pie. Right?

Faith looked back and then at him as the cook gave them of pieces of pie they weren't supposed to have. Hers was pumpkin while Reed swore he could live off this apple pie. They scooped ice cream on their pieces of pies and Reed didn't care about crashing under the sugar.

"I hate the fighting," Faith admitted, putting her fork in her mouth.

"Same here but they're going to ask where we are."

Faith shrugged, "Who cares? We're just kids, and kids eat pie."

Reed offered his cousin his palm the palm of his free hand and she slapped it with a bright grin. For someone way younger than him, Faith wasn't wrong. They were kids, spectators eating pie while the adults grew messier and confusing. However, topping their pies with more ice cream was the easiest thing for him. However, in the back of his mind, Reed knew things would stop being easy and carefree.

—

"I came to tell you," Lou explained, with a wry smile and shrugged, "and check on my brother."

Reed smiled back despite himself. He could never stay mad at this kid. He slapped his palm against Lou, doing that secret handshake known to them from childhood.

"Now, I don't owe you three dollars anymore."

Lou took a drink of his coffee and then set the mug down.

"Um, yeah, you still do."

"Man, you're in an need of a haircut. You're not in any position to tell me I owe you anything."

Reed smirked, "Your waves are trash."

"Just like your opinion!"

"Give me my three dollars, bro!" Reed yelled at Lou's back with a laugh.

"No!"

And then Lou was gone and so was his laughter again.

—

His perfect black coffee with the offensive amount of sugar was ruined. It was ironic – the coffee fit perfectly with how he felt on the inside: dark, once warm now slowly turning cold, with just enough sugar to mask the sharp flavour the taste buds to deal with. The sound of the Jaws theme song emanated from his phone and it instantly made him want to break this damn phone. No car. He wasn't going to be driving anywhere for a while. No license. The courts were going to take it away from him for at some bullshit period. So, Reed didn't want a damn phone either. Not when it became a leash for Mom to pull when he dared to go somewhere not in line with her idea of fun and productivity.

Again, the Jaws theme song played and this time, Reed swore under his breath in annoyance but answered.

"What?"

"Okay," Mom answered, seething and it made a small smile appear on Reed's mouth. "I'm going to pretend you didn't take that tone with me. I've been in and out of meetings and wanted to check in. How are you?"

"Fine."

"Where are you?"

"Crimson Lights and I walked there completely sober."

Mom said, seriously but softly, "Don't joke about that, Reed. What are you doing right now?"

"Breathing. Or, is that offensive to you and Dad, too?"

Mom sighed, "Nobody is out to get you. Not me. Not your father. Just come home."

"Fine," he said and then added. "I'll come home. I…won't run away. Don't send Dad after me."

"Thank you for saying that, honey. Your father is at Chancellor. He'll come by later. We're all feeling things and there's a lot of tension, but it's just family dinner. Johnny and Katie are with Billy and Phyllis. I'll come home from Newman and your dad will come over," Mom explained. "I was just remembering how nice it was for us at Christmas."

"It was nice…. I guess."

"Okay. It's settled. I'll even make your favourite."

"I'll be home in 15. I can walk."

"Are you sure? Your father can get you from the coffeehouse—"

Reed cut his mom, more sharply than usual. He would have felt bad but for some odd reason didn't. Logically, he knew she was trying to be nice. Something felt cracked. Like something had shifted and maybe it would have been better if he had split his head open, and sprayed his brain matter all over the windshield. He might have healed, or he might have died, even been a different person. This…. He didn't know.

"No," he protested, an edge to his voice he had never heard before. "I can walk, Mom."

"That's fine," Mom said, softly. "I'll see you soon. Bye."

He hung up, lightly tossed his phone on the table so that it lightly rattled. Reed craned his neck, the sky a dark royal blue with more snow falling. It wasn't going to be the kind of snow that was icy and stung, but the kind of snow that fell and disappeared. He used to love snow as a kid. Building snowmen, building snow forts, sledding down a really steep hill until his sight blurred his environment and he could hear near but wind. Katie and Johnny still did stuff like that and it made them happy. Of course, Reed liked to do all of things and it was fun until it wore off, but skating never grew old for him.

He liked when there was a fresh snow on the Ranch and the giant lake froze over. Reed was a kid who played baseball as a kid, never hockey but was still a pretty strong skater. It was one of the things he did with Mom because she had been skating on this lake since she was little. Mom told him to push off to start but glide to gain speed. Reed was impressed when she skated around him and landed one of those double axel spins but never told her that. But she surprised him. Reed absentmindedly packed his things, shoved his books into his bag. He plugged in his headphones in his ears, not tuned into who was singing, or what the lyrics meant but appreciated that the band was extra loud. It was musical novocaine that dripped slowly and steadily numbed him.

Reed walked out of Crimson Lights, the wind against his face. It was as if the bitter cold had been given to just him. Someone knew he needed it the most. He craved a cigarette, but no, he wouldn't have it. Reed wouldn't have one now.

His footsteps imprinted over steps already pressed into the snow although another layer of it was dusting the ground.

There was a guitar solo in his head now – long, erratic, frenzied and wild.

Snow was falling more intensely and Reed could see less and less now. All he saw was the frozen over lake at Grandpa and Grandma's house. He looked around and saw no one and the main house was dark and quiet. The wind ruffled his hair, the cold making his skin flush. His blue eyes squinted for clarity in this blizzard. He might have yelled out and if he did, Reed didn't remember it. Something was pushing him toward that crystalline lake in the dark. It glittered and Reed set one skate on the surface and then the other. _Push to start. Glide to continue,_ Mom said in his head. His blades cut through the surface of the ice until Reed brought himself to a stop in the middle.

There were diamonds under his feet, begging to be touched and wanting to be caressed. Would he find a girl named Lucy beneath even though she was above like The Beatles said?

 _Look at beautiful this all is, Reed. Look at how beautiful all of this could be._

He was almost home. Reed could see Mom's car and knew Dad would show up any second because he was into playing Dad when he wasn't doing it before. Must have been nice to have damaged goods around to bother with when DJ and Becca were too little to be a disappointment. Reed glided across the frozen lake, surface strangely undistributed even with the smooth cuts his skates made. It was his path, his trail to travel and his to end if he wanted.

So, Reed stopped staking. He stopped moving, stopped thinking, stopped unravelling the present and dreaming for the future. He was a funny state of inertia in motion. The song was hitting a crescendo as he padded his way up his driveway and the frozen lake in his head began to crack underneath him. The cracks were rough, jagged and ice started to split but there was no panic in Reed's heart and no adrenaline to spur Reed to action.

 _Look at easily the ice cracks underneath you. Look how easily you scorch frozen earth._

The band was hitting its hook for the last time just as Reed fell through the ice and walked through the door of his house. He was alone in the living room and floating underneath the surface all at once.

He felt nothing just as the song ended with a crash of cymbals. What Bob Marley said was true. When music hit, there wasn't any pain. Anywhere the wind blew, it didn't matter anymore.

 _You're just a poor boy. Nobody loves you._


	3. It's Fun To Lose & To Pretend

**Smells Like Teen Spirit  
notes:** This is Part Three. I'm trying to play with timelines within the show and flip between the evening of Part Two and the morning of Part Three. It would have been a few days since Reed clocking that kid and him having that conversation with Lou. That is the same day. Then another day would have passed which is when another scene with Reed and another student takes place here…he went to school and all that, and then we end at the day of when it's court day for his DUI, which is court day and where we end here. From Part 4 onward, is where I will completely go off the show. Yeah, I lied. This will need six parts, instead of five. And I'll expand the POVs to include others. Most likely, there are typos, I will do those in the mornings.  
 **disclaimer:** I own nada. Not even the lyrics writes here. Don't sue me. My ass is broke and my only currency is my imagination.

* * *

 **PART THREE**  
It's Fun To Lose & To Pretend

 _Something was happening to me. Something_ _ **is**_ _happening._

 _Dinner was…great. I guess, I was expecting it to go to hell so I had an excuse to leave. As I write this, Mom and Dad are getting along. Laughing together, even. It's strange to me. I don't remember this. I don't remember them. I don't remember the three of us in any way that will stay with me. Having divorced parents is seen like this mark, this blemish on your life that somehow makes you a little less. I have a lot of things to make me feel that way even though I do it to myself. I remember the four-cheese mac and cheese and it tastes the same. This cheesy bright yellow mess on my plate is one thing Mom got right._

 _I can't remember any of it. The mac and cheese is a spotlight that burns holes through me. It burns when I hear myself say something because it seems like the right way to weave myself in and out a conservation with my parents. My parents are… Just are. I'm the kid they need to come together to save. Maybe they feel like I'm changing and feel it. Some shit about intuition. When I have a kid, I'll understand they said. Maybe I won't understand then because how can I possibly think about being someone's dad years from now when I don't even know what will happen to me tomorrow?_

 _Does anybody?_

—

 _Court is nothing like the movies. I know that logically because Ms. Ortega stupidly – and I mean that respectfully, sort of – thinks I'm cut off for this kind of life. The life of a lawyer where I work all day and remember strategy until my head explodes while looking at a kind of desperation in my client's eyes. For a minute, I wonder. What kind of desperation will I see when I look into my client's eyes?_

 _Katie and Johnny asked me if I was grounded. I said yeah, sort of and they wanted to be grounded with me. I love them for that. They were going to stay in their jammies with me and not go to school. They were protesting. Or, something like that. They were sad I wasn't going to be driving for a while because that was part of my punishment. Kind of like when Johnny gets in trouble and has to stay in timeout and can't watch any TV or go on the computer. Or, when Katie gets in trouble because I wonder if she truly does get punished because she seems to laugh her way through it. She'll cry, scream, and kick her way through it sometimes when Mom and Billy try to punish her, but my sister is a kid that doesn't know how to be fazed by things. I'm almost jealous and wish I had that kind of superpower. Katie and Johnny can be unbothered about things when I am a mess. I find that amazing. Laughing through what storm is going to come her way. Then again, Johnny and Katie are so little and don't have their lives about to be ruined even more._

 _If a judge is going to sentence me to whatever punishment is there for drunk driving, it's not like I have to be there so I won't. I hate pulling the whole "my family is richer than yours" card, but if I can't claim that to avoid having to face a judge, then what's the point?_

 _The Internet probably lied and maybe I have to be there. Doesn't mean I will._

 _I need to be at school. I need to shower._

 _I need to put on this suit and wear this stupid tie when it looks like a noose._

 _I need to do a lot of things, like getting out of this bed. But I won't._

 _The funny thing ever since that music program said I wasn't good enough, I've been writing like crazy. Wrote six songs yesterday and texted Corrine. I want to stop writing. Stop playing. Stop thinking, but I can't._

 _I woke up with lyrics in my head.  
_

 _ **I scream at myself when there's nobody else to fight  
**_ _ **I don't lose, I don't win, if I'm wrong, then I'm halfway right…**_

 _Who knows what will happen to them? I don't, and don't care._

—

When he was younger, Reed used to read a lot of Greek mythology. Or, have stories read to hm. The idea that all of these powerful people existed captured his imagination and maybe there was a small part of him that believed shades of the supernatural were in front of him. His grandfather was a powerful man who could have been Zeus on among the mortals. His mother was an actual witch with magic he sometimes he didn't understand or want to decipher because she did terrify him. Reed would never admit it though. Maybe – just maybe – his dad was a superhero who did save the world but let his own fall apart. What kind of superhero was that, and what kind of cape did his father wear now?

He thought of Mattie and how good she was. Way too good for him, way too angelic at times and way too smart, he felt inadequate because she damn well knew everything there was to know. Her vast knowledge ensnared him and made him feel like he should stay away from her especially now. She could do research, find statistics, throw a whole bunch of facts and then a problem was over. But it wasn't. Reed knew she was reaching out to him and all he had to was reach back. There was Mattie's voice in his head, the ghost of her hand on top of his and her curls between his fingers.

If Mattie was something of an angel, then of course, there was always the siren. The one person who was charming, dangerous and enchanted him. The siren was the beautiful creature that sat on sharp jagged rocks that could kill the sailor. He had to stay away from her even if it couldn't. She was somewhere in the dark because she understood it. Reed knew she understood being in a place of dark, it felt tangible and physical. She found him when he wanted to hide coming back from his day-long suspension. He remembered being alone for the first time in that day. The hallway was empty, aside from a few students he was acquainted with but never hung out with.

The redness in his knuckle was beginning to fade away but the irritation did not. Peter Adams wasn't seen all day and that little bit of information made him smirk in satisfaction. Grabbing his English textbook from his locker shelf, Reed found himself distracted from another text from Mom and ignored it. He rolled his eyes with a sigh and dropped his phone in his jean pocket. A hand with crimson red nails pushed his locker door shut with a slight slam. It made him jump a little, but that wasn't surprising. She did have the flair for dramatic entrances. She stood there, her hair all done and her makeup perfect like always down to that sparkly blue eyeshadow and winged eyeliner.

Kendall James was the siren that always pulled him in even when Reed knew he was crashing and burning. She stared up at him with her hazel eyes and pressed a kiss to a silver ring on his hand. He tried to fight off the warmth this sparked and not acknowledge that there was electricity in the air. He tried to ignore how it danced, sparked and crackled between them. There was always Mattie. Even now. Especially now when it felt like though Kendall could shock him, make his heart stop and kill him. He would let her because it was true. Kendall was a horrible person, an even meaner person with a mind that was sometimes more twisted than he cared to understand, but those same qualities made her all the more intriguing.

"Imagine never getting to see you again because you killed yourself. Such a mindfuck."

Reed glanced away and took his hand from her. "Not you, too, Kendall. I'm not in the mood."

Kendall raised an eyebrow and stated matter-of-fact.

"Ah. You think I'm in line to judge you."

Reed shrugged, resigned, "Well, get it over with."

She stared at him blankly before her lips pulled into a seductive smile, placing a hand on his face, kissed him. It was slow and she tasted like spearmint gum and a strawberry lollipop. Reed didn't know what was happening but he couldn't breathe all of a sudden. He felt that spark under his skin, grow into one flame and then in erupt into a fire. Reed pulled away, remembering the girl with water that felt cool and soothing to him. Then he remembered the cracking ice on the lake, the ice in his veins and kissed Kendall back because that fire could burn everything.

She pulled away, with a grin and a flush in her cheeks.

"Come with me."

"What?" he questioned, blinking. Reed was feeling a little hazy from what had just happened. What his head had drove him to do, and what he physically wanted. The need to go home and look forward to court the next day all of a sudden didn't matter. The need to crash into the jagged rocks and follow his siren was much stronger. "Where?"

"Somewhere we can both have a little fun. I don't want to go home. Neither do you."

"You're insane."

She giggled and felt himself smiling genuinely because it was. For the first time today, Reed smiled and it wasn't because he was performing the part of someone who says he was fine or okay. The curtain closed, the spotlight dimmed to darkness and in that darkness, the one person supposed to be terrible, wasn't.

"Sanity is overrated for people like us," she said with a wicked gleam in her eye that made Reed want to kiss her, so he did.

Kendall grabbed his hand, giggling and he let her pull him into places of Genoa City High he had never seen before. Kendall James was drowning him, slowly pushing him underwater as he slowly lost his air and everything in his body screamed for it. But Reed felt still. He felt calm and strangely adrift.

Reed was sailing away into waters unknown, wrapped up in Kendall.

He watched amazed as she picked the lock to the drama room's back entrance and she held his hand as his eyes swept over the costumes, masks, and walls with posters about old plays he had never seen or didn't bother to. The corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile. This is where playing pretending happened. This is where the drama geeks came in and shed their skin to inhabit something totally different. Kendall closed the door and met his gaze with her bottom lip between her teeth. She strode over to him, slow and deliberate. He didn't know what had taken over him. Maybe it was wanting to forget. Maybe it was the idea of playing pretend and being whoever the hell he wanted. Maybe it wasn't all that serious. Not all that philosophical and not all that profound.

Maybe it came down to him being newly single again, and Kendall being his friend with many awesome benefits.

And maybe, it was a matter of Reed being selfish.

"This is where it all goes down," he observed, pulling Kendall in by the waist. She gasped and laughed, running her fingers through his hair.

She nodded, "Yup," and then she used a finger to lightly shove him on a dark brown couch. He cursed when he fell backwards and found Kendall straddling him, a smug look on her face as she pulled his shirt over his head. "It seems I get to be on top."

"For now."

Kendall feigned disdain, "Such lies from this mouth."

"You like my mouth."

She kissed him and pulled away, tracing his bottom lip with her thumb, "I do."

He smiled against her mouth, and tucked a lock of her dark hair behind her ear. Kendall pulled away and pulled her leather jacket off of her body and then her off-the-shoulder top over her head. A memory sparked in his head. His first time when they hooked up and had no idea until it actually happened and it felt fucking amazing. The one time she gave him a hand job. The other time he fucked her twice at one of her summer parties – before Mattie meant anything to him – and ate her out because well, he wanted to, thrown her off as she arched her back and swore while moaning his name.

Maybe that hooker was, in hindsight, right.

Reed saw Kendall the way he saw a grand piano. He didn't play one all that often, but he could sit in front of one and position his fingers poised to play. He could play as the keys were smooth under his fingertips and he could effortlessly weave in between minor and major keys. He could shut his brain off, disregard sheet music and just play the piano as the keys rested in patterned black and white, light and darkness and hopefully, he would find a musical grey area and let it coil around him.

That was Kendall.

Not pure light and blinding him. Not completely dark and leaving him to trip and fall, but somewhere in between in a space he didn't have to define. This. This was just sex. It could have been more, but it wasn't love and as he felt her in way he had before, Reed realized, it didn't have to be. This was the most uncomplicated thing when he was swimming in a body of his own issues. It was…just sex.

—

 _If you knew somebody and then all of a sudden, didn't, what did that mean?_

 _Did you and that other person suddenly become ships that passed each other in the same sea because you did know that other person's shit and couldn't face it now?_

 _The sun and moon are two different things, but are wrapped up in each other. When the sun says goodbye and the moon reappears, do those solar flares left behind from the sun kinda bounce out of the sky? What really happens when all of us down here think it's nothing special or the greatest things in the world?_

 _Is it a thing where they know they shared the same sky but can't do it anymore because one realizes they are just too damn different? What then? You see, the limbo drives me crazy. I don't want to answer all of this. I was with Kendall and it was fun. In that way, yeah. But I had fun because for a while, I forgot. I let go. There was just me and her. Her mom died and it was still hurting her and I could hear my mistakes and failures somewhere alive and breathing, but it was like they couldn't…touch me._

 _ **My soul is burnin' / Need Jesus Christ / My mom's unhappy with all the choices I've been making with my life…**_

 _I'll play with these lyrics later and see what I can make of them._

—

"Reed!"

He was busy. He was going in between texting Kendall, and figuring out what he was going to binge out on Mom's Netflix account. Surely, Mr. Baldwin could enter his plea for him while he took a chill day and even caught a nap. Being a Newman had to count for something too.

 _when can you come?_

Reed smirked and texted back.

 _thought that already happened?_

 _nasty fucker. Lmao. not what i meant, but ofc that too. ;)  
_ _i meant come over to my house._

"Reed, don't make me come up there!"

He glared at his door, willing his mother to not fly in through his window with her flying broom. Glancing at his window, he could see a cold chill wrapped itself around the branches covered with snow. The wind moved it in a way that reminded Reed of a metronome. Steady. Always there. In the distance, Reed saw Newman Tower and Jabot Cosmetics towering over everything else. There was a war between those two families. The Newmans and the Abbotts. He knew of it. How could he not when everyone knew his mother was the one to succeed Grandpa or something? His phone went off, his screen lit up with Kendall's name.

 _i dunno. court's today. it's hella lame._

 _boo.  
well, fam is still in new york taking care of my mom's shit and parker beauty. _

Reed frowned at his phone. As much as Mom and Dad annoyed him, he couldn't imagine going through losing one of his parents. He wouldn't be able to take that and felt bad that Kendall had to. No one should. Reed could close his eyes and easily see his parents older, still the same people and still loving him even though he acted like he didn't want them to. On some days, he really didn't want them to love him or give him a fuck. He could picture his dad as he was, older. He could picture is his mother too, but something crept into his head.

He would admit that Reed couldn't picture himself beyond a few years. It made him shudder as he could see the door he had drawn in English class again. There could have been nothing waiting for him when he opened the door, a bunch of family and friends that would support him, or members of a 27 Club he thought were legendary. Jim Morrison died of an overdose in the bathtub of a French hotel room, and Hendrix died choking on his vomit, but still, Reed thought they were legendary. Sometimes, he wondered if Kurt Cobain walked around with a gaping hole in his head, content in having killed himself at Nirvana's peak.

 _sorry about your mom._

 _i'm not.  
_ _we're all gonna die, babe.  
_ _srsly. when? i'm all here alone. will be for the rest of the night._

Reed laughed quietly at her persistence. _text you later?_

A moment or two passed and then his phone dinged. A new text.

 _k. fine.  
i sleep nude xo _

"Reed, I mean it!" Mom yelled. "Are you ready? We have to go now!"

He grinned at Kendall's message and not even his mother's raging could be kill his vibe. Reed dropped his phone on his messy, unmade bed – he never understood the point since he was going to sleep in it anyway, like right now – and walked out of his bedroom with the red door downstairs. If he had stayed a little longer to write in his journal, or question whether his favourite pair of jeans was as dirty as Mom said as it was, Reed would have seen one more text light up his phone.

Next Text Message: **Mattie**

—

 _Hey. It's me. I feel like I should apologize. Maybe if I do it enough, it'll mean something. Maybe your mom took your phone away and that's why you haven't been answering. Everyone tells me I did the right thing that night. I know that logically because I've read the statistics and what it comes down to is that I didn't want you to be another name added. I didn't want to you be another statistic. I care about you too much to lose you even though I'm sure I have. Be mad at me but at least you're alive to feel that way._

 _If there's a chance you're getting my texts and not answering, I get the message. I'll respect your wishes and stay away._

 _Good luck in court, Reed. I hope things work out for you.  
_


End file.
